Perhaps

I struggle to think why you left me;

it only comes at moments though.

I feel as if I was in a jump scare movie,

I cannot predict when a memory of you will find a way into my head,

when I will be thinking of boys and comparing them to you.

But the truth is,

I feel as if all my expectations of men were impossible,

or wrong.

I feel betrayed.

I felt love but apparently,

that was not the way love should feel like.

I guess your transition in my life was only a glimpse of what love can be,

but loved you all the way,

I loved your motivations,

your hobbies,

your personality,

your physical appearance,

I loved YOU,

and maybe I still miss you.

I went on a date,

but I cannot stand having to tell my favorite color again.

I want to feel in love and it feels as if that part of me was stolen by you.

You,

who can´t even give a good reason why you needed to leave,

and abandoned me and my affection for comfort.

But even at that moment, I couldn't think of someone else.

Maybe it was all a lie;

a lie I keep up in my head about a perfect boyfriend you never were,

but I cannot let go of the idea that I wanted it, so badly, to be YOU.